Writing advice readers don't want you to take

via GIPHY

Writers get hit every day with a plethora of advice from "experts." Note: I put "experts" in quotes because some of these so-called "experts" are full of crap. In fact, I can think of several pieces of writing advice I've heard lately from "experts" that most readers I've talked to (and I've talked to A LOT of them) wish you wouldn't follow. They include: 

Bad advice: Write what you know
​What readers WANT you to do: Write what you want

Look, I deal with reality every damn day. Why would I want to only read about stuff the author has firsthand experience with? Give me giant blue aliens with interesting...appendages, and grumpy middle-aged female superheroes, and billionaire sociopaths who somehow manage to steal MY heart while wooing (or kidnapping...ahem) the heroine. I'm guessing the authors that wrote about these things totally made them up--and that's PERFECT for me. I want escapism, not reality. So, authors: write whatever you want to write. Write what you love, and we'll love to read it.    

Bad advice: Your book blurb should always be 3rd person
What readers WANT you to do: Make your book and blurb match 

Saying that all book blurbs need to be written in 3rd person is old time-y thinking. Readers want to know what they're getting. So, if your book is written in 1st person, write your blurb in 1st person. If the book is 3rd person, write the blurb in 3rd person. Don't surprise us by making the best piece of marketing your book has NOT match your book. (That's NOT the kind of surprise that readers like)

Bad advice: Don't write for the money
What readers WANT you to do: Don't starve and keep writing

All these idiots out there who think that artists should be starving and suffering need to fuck off, and keep fucking off forever. There is NOTHING wrong with a writer wanting to be paid fairly for their work. There's also nothing wrong with a writer writing to market so that their book might make them some decent money. Readers don't want writers to be starving artists because starving people don't write enough for our liking. You're not less of an artist for wanting money for your work, and anyone who tells you that you are should be ignored (and throat-punched, frankly).  

Bad advice: If you don't write every day, you're not a real writer
What readers WANT you to do: Write when you can 

If you only write every third Tuesday from midnight to one when the moon is full, you're a writer. Don't let some idiot tell you you're less of a writer if you're not meeting some arbitrary word count every day. Write when you can. Write when the spirit moves you. No one is the boss of you. 

Bad advice: You should always subvert reader expectations
What readers WANT you to do: Just write a good story

You know what I don't want as a romance reader? My expectations subverted. Don't get cute and kill off the heroine off at the end of your book instead of giving her a happily ever after because you wanted to subvert expectations. If you do, I will eviscerate you in a review because romance novels NEED a happily ever after ending (or a happy for now ending) in order to meet genre requirements. But this advice works outside of the romance genre, too. Just because the audience guesses your ending or your book/story ends happily doesn't mean the writing is bad. We don't always have to be shocked and traumatized at the end of every story. (Take note of that, Hollywood) 

Bad advice: Your romance novel doesn't need a HEA
What readers WANT you to do: Know your genre

This is the absolute worst advice anyone can give a romance author. OF COURSE your romance novel needs a happily ever after. It's the ONE rule of the genre. There's a huge difference between a book with romance in it (or a romantic story) and a romance novel--and if you don't know that, then I suggest you study this. 

Bad advice: Self-published books aren't taken seriously
What reader WANT you to do: Just publish books

Almost every reader I've ever talked to doesn't give a crap if a book is self-published or published by the biggest, snootiest traditional publisher out there. You know what they want? A good book. They want LOTS of good books. And frankly, if we had to wait on snooty traditional publishers, we wouldn't have nearly enough to read. So, most readers take self-published books VERY seriously--and we like the good ones. Now, will you occasionally run into snobs who don't appreciate your book or won't read your book because it's self-published? Yep. You'll always run into assholes somewhere. But honestly, most of these assholes, the kind who turn their noses up at self-published books, are either, a) Writers themselves, b) Involved in the publishing business. The biggest majority of readers just want books. They don't care how they get them. So, at the end of the day, you need to decide who you're writing your books for: the snooty snobs, or readers. (Hint: Readers' money spends the same) 

Bad advice: Don't use adverbs
What readers WANT you to do: Write good books

Personally, I like adverbs. There's nothing wrong with adverbs. Good writers know how and where to use them. Arbitrary rules like "no adverbs" are dumb. Just tell me a good story and I'll be happy--adverbs or no adverbs. 

But what about all you writers out there? What terrible advice have YOU ignored or taken over the years? Let's discuss in the comments!