For reasons I’d rather not examine too closely, I love a story about a dark, twisty, stalker-y guy who becomes obsessed with someone, then falls in love and learns to become a somewhat normal person. You know, like Sebastian inThe Bad Guy.That was a guy who did some effed-up things in the name of “love”, but slowly learned what it really meant to put someone else’s feelings ahead of his own. By the end of that book, Sebastian was prime, grade-A book boyfriend material. But sadly, James, the “hero” in this book, is no Sebastian.
I did a stupid thing. It’s a stupid thing I’ve done before, and I’ve told myself that I’d never do it again, but...yeah, here we are.
I bought the book because the guy on the cover looks a little Chris Hemsworth, OK? I can’t help it! I adore Chris Hemsworth. He’s gorgeous, he’s funny, and there’s always pictures out there of him being a great dad. He’s perfect in every way.Sadly, the hero in this book, Jeff, is no Chris Hemsworth. Not even close.
This is another one of those beautifully written books that I couldn’t finish reading. The writing itself flows nicely, the pacing is good, the characters are intriguing, and the dialogue is fresh and snappy. So, why a DNF rating? Well, it’s like this…
This is a little spoilery, but nothing you wouldn’t see already on the other Goodreads and Amazon reviews, so let me just say that when I see a man’s name in the book blurb of a romance novel, I assume that man is the hero. So, I get all invested in him and start to care about his HEA with the heroine. When stuff starts shifting at around the 35% mark of the book and I realize that the male character—who’s name was in the blurb, mind you—is actually NOT the hero, I feel a little deceived. Like my time’s been wasted learning about a guy who isn’t the hero. And a blogger who feels like her time’s been wasted and that she’s been deceived is not a happy blogger.
Paranormal romance is one of my favorite categories in the whole genre. There are so, so many great reads there—books that I’ve read and reread so many times it borders on obsessive. But sadly, it’s also the category that I find it most difficult to find new reads in. For every great PNR read, there are 5 craptastic ones. I open each new-to-me series with equal parts excitement and dread. Will THIS be my next binge read? Will THIS be the next series that I pimp to my followers until they get sick of hearing me talk about it? But it’s with a heavy heart that I tell you thatTall, Dark & Deadlydidn’t make it to my keeper shelf. I had LOTS of problems with this one.
This is another one of those technically well-written books that I just couldn’t bring myself to finish. Wanna know why? Sure you do! (Kind of like when you ask your significant other if the milk smells bad, then you shove it under their nose so they can take a big whiff, because that’s what people do. We smell the milk. So, smell the milk with me, people. And always remember that what I think stinks, lots of other people enjoy.)
Hang with me on this one, guys, because this is going to get crude. (Not my fault...I plan to include quotes from the book.)
So, picture it: It’s St. Patrick’s Day, and I’ve read just about every book featuring hot Irish dudes I can get my hands on. I scroll around on Amazon for a while and notice that this book,Lucky Charm, is selling like crazy. I mean, like CRAZY. I think, what the hell, I’ll give it a read. And then, bad things start to happen. Really, really bad things…
First of all, this one would probably be more adequately shelved in the urban fantasy genre, but there’s a very obvious love interest that plays a big part in the story, so I feel fairly comfortable classifying it as paranormal for the purposes of placement on our site. (We don’t have an urban fantasy page, OK? Sue us.)
Second of all, this is probably one of the best books I’ve ever DNFd. It was well written, there was intricate world-building, and the characters were interesting and likeable. So what went wrong? Glad you asked.
Did you know that excessive eye rolling can give you a migraine? I do. You wanna know how I know? I read 4 chapters of this book, much eye rolling ensued, and now I have a migraine. Hang with me on this one, guys, because imma rant a little:
The story opens up with Kate, driving home, waxing poetic about how awesome her life is with boyfriend, Benjamin, and how she just KNOWS he’s going to propose that night. He just HAS to propose, because she’s been secretly planning their wedding and building Pinterest boards since they’ve been going out for a WHOLE YEAR. Who goes out for a WHOLE YEAR and doesn’t get engaged, right? Crazy town.
Publication date:01/17/2018 Kindle Unlimited:Yes Cliffhanger:I dunno, I don’t care
Ugh. I was duped again. Deceived by good reviews, a good cover, and a good blurb. When will I learn that these things don’t always add up to a book I’m going to enjoy? Hell, this one didn't even add up to one I could finish. But I won’t waste anymore time whining. Here are the many, many, many things that irked me about this one:
Title:Seal of Honor Author:Tonya Burrows Publication date:5/28/2013 Kindle Unlimited:No Cliffhanger:No
Egads, this wasn’t what I was expecting at all. I DNF’d right around the 25% mark. Here’s what made me pull the plug:
The heroine, Audrey, is an artist. When her brother is kidnapped (who he’s kidnapped by isn’t really relevant. Just know it was your standard, run-of-the-mill romantic suspense novel baddie), what does she do? Well, she immediately drops her life in Costa Rica and journeys to Colombia to save him. By herself.
Title:The Trouble with Emma Author:Katie Oliver Publication date:02/29/16 Kindle Unlimited:No Cliffhanger:No
I have a confession to make. I’m not a Jane Austen fan. There, I’ve said it. All you Colin Firth fans out there can quit reading now if you feel it necessary. I’ve never daydreamed about finding my own Mr. Darcy, or of being Lizzie or Jane Bennet. Nope, no siree. Not. A. Fan.
So what, you might ask, made me pick up a book that’s part of a series titled The Jane Austen Factor? I dunno. Temporary insanity?
Title:Wrong Number, Right Guy Author:Tara Wylde & Holly Hart Publication date:09/23/2017 Kindle Unlimited:Yes Cliffhanger:I dunno
I’m starting to feel like I’m being Punk’d, and that Ashton Kutcher is going to jump out of my closet at any moment and laugh in my face about having tricked me into reading so many bad books these days. I mean, this is getting to be ridiculous. Can I not trust hot guys on the cover, good blurbs, and tons of positive, glowing reviews anymore? What gives?
I stopped reading this book at 7%. But Jennifer, you say, how can you review a book that you only read to 7%? Isn’t that unfair to the authors?
Title:The Boy Friend Author:Mika Jolie Publication date:04/23/2017 Kindle Unlimited:Yes Cliffhanger:I dunno
Sweet fancy Moses, I am on a bad book streak, folks. It’s getting to be like the setup for a terrifying horror movie. I mean, what if I NEVER AGAIN find a book I love?? AAAAGGGHHHH! But I digress...didn’t mean to spiral on y’all… (*clears throat*)
So, about this book...there are a few issues that made me DNF at 21%. Here we go:
This book is the worst kind of DNF. It’s the kind of DNF you go into absolutely SURE the book is going to be good. How can it not be? The cover is good, the blurb is good, the writing as you crack the book open is good. How could it possibly go wrong? And that’s when the suck creeps over you, insidiously, like a bad smell you can’t quite identify or locate, invading your happy little reading space until you’re forced to admit that you’ve picked up a bad read and have wasted hours of your life you’ll never get back. It’s the bad book in a good book’s clothing, if you will.
Title:Saving Her Author:RR Banks Publication date:09/10/2017 Kindle Unlimited:Yes Cliffhanger:I dunno
This might be the fastest I’ve ever DNF’d a book in my life.My previous record was 13%of the story. I DNF’d this one at 3%. Here’s why:
At only 3% into the story, I’ve already read very detailed sex scenes between the heroine and a dude who wasn’t the hero, and the hero with a chick who wasn’t the heroine. That would be fine in erotica, but this is romance. Now, I’m not saying I expect the hero and heroine to come into the story all pure and virginal, because I don’t. But I’m not really interested in reading sex scenes between people I know aren’t even the focus of the story.