What you need to know about Romance Rehab before you ask for a review
We truly love to read and review books, and we’d be honored to check out your work. It’s a huge compliment that you’d even consider sharing with us. And we’re especially supportive of indie authors and self-published authors. But before you ask us for a review, there are a few things you should know about us:
What to submit
This is an easy one. Only submit romance. No poetry, no speculative fiction, no nonfiction, no sci-fi. We’re open to all sub-categories within the romance genre, but we have a particular weakness for:
We’re EXTREMELY picky about the books we choose to read and review in historical romance, romantic suspense and romantic erotica. And if you want us to review urban fantasy, it better have a STRONG romantic element present. If it doesn’t, you’ll suffer our wrath.
How to submit
Email us a nice, interesting, personable, friendly and/or funny query letter that includes your name (and/or pen name), as well as the book’s genre, page count, release date, and blurb. Attach a mobi or PDF to the email (We prefer mobi but if you don't have it, no worries. It won't affect our decision to review or not.)
5 = Love it! No rehab needed. This book CRUSHES the romance stigma.
4 = Pretty darn good. This book might not CRUSH the romance stigma, but it strongly discourages it.
3 = Meh. We’ve read worse. It’s not really doing much for the romance genre as a whole. (It’s not hurting anything either, though. Probably still worth a read.)
2 = It’s got some issues. It’s like the literary version of Lindsay Lohan. With a lengthy stay in rehab, it might be able to get clean and stage a comeback.
1 = Ugh. This is the Charlie Sheen of books. No amount of rehab can save it.
DNF = Did Not Finish. Save yourselves; it’s too late for us.
Full disclosure, we get really irritated when authors misclassify their books. You can read more here but suffice to say that one of the biggest problems is the disparity between the level of sexual heat most readers would expect to find—based on how the book is classified, the blurb and the cover—and what the book actually contains. To help our readers know what to expect, we've developed our own rating system:
5 chili peppers: All erotica would include a 5 chili pepper rating. This is going to include all menage reads, books with heavy bondage scenes (I’m talking about more than just handcuffs here, folks), reverse harem stuff, and all the books that don’t have a real plot (according to the guidelines above). But to make the whole “plot” issue clear to authors: if sex scenes make up more than 75% of your story, your book is getting a 5 chili pepper rating
4 chili peppers: Romance with 3 or more explicit sex scenes that use all the naughty words for body parts that would get your mouth washed out with soap if you said them in front of your parents as a kid. (Cunt, pussy, and cock being the prime examples, of course). Reads from Tia Louise, Sawyer Bennett, Penelope Ward, Vi Keeland, LJ Shen, and Melanie Harlow, would probably fall into 4 chili pepper territory
3 chili peppers: Romance with 2 or more explicit sex scenes, but generally milder language. Reads from Jill Shalvis, Isabel Jordan and Jennifer Crusie would fall into 3 chili pepper territory
2 chili peppers: Romance with plenty of sexual tension and foreplay, but closed-door sex. I’m thinking Kristan Higgins reads are in the 2 chili pepper territory
1 chili pepper: Romance with some sexual tension, maybe some kissing and hand holding, but no sex. I’m at a loss for examples. I don’t read much clean romance. Like Jane Austen novel movie adaptations, maybe?
0 chili peppers: Amish romance. Nothing but longing glances. Not even any dirty thoughts, though. All the Christian romance would belong here (i.e.: romance were spiritual enlightenment and being “godly” is more important to the characters than anything else)
Having trouble coming up with a compelling book blurb? Looking for a reliable beta reader with a deep understanding of the romance genre/marketplace? Need to spice up your social media graphics? Wondering if your book cover is killing your sales? We can help help with all of that. Check out our blurb review service (only $10) and our other author services. Seriously, it can't hurt to just check things out, right?
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