How to rewrite romance novel blurbs that super fans of romance will actually buy!

Romance novel blurb rehab 101
First of all, there are just some things that should NEVER be in your romance blurb. No questions asked. But for everything else, there’s the Romance Rehab blurb critique service.

Have questions about how the Romance Rehab blurb help services works? Wondering if we offer other services specially designed for romance authors? (Awesome questions, by the way. You must be really smart.) Well wonder no more. Just click the links above and all will be revealed.

Okay, back to the blurb rehab. Ready for some examples? GREAT! Let’s have some fun.

And before you ask, yes, these are actual book blurbs. In some cases, we’ve redacted the author’s name and book title to protect their, um, feelings. Let the rehabbing begin...

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​Blurb critique example #1

(author name and book title redacted) Romance Rehab critique in red

Shiloh Martin [is?] vacationing in France with her fiancé [when she?] returns to the hotel to find him in bed with the maid.

Enraged, she races in her car up a dangerous road to discover her brakes have failed and out of control, she crashes. [There’s way too much erroneous info in these 2 sentences. Way more details than are needed for a blurb. Maybe something like this would be better: Shiloh Martin is enraged when she finds her fiance in bed with the maid at their French hotel. Thinking only of escape, she races away, only to discover her brakes are out...]

In 1885, Dorian Wolfermont, a duke known as Wolf, walks his estate that night to discover [a?] beautiful woman badly hurt. [I guess I’m supposed to realize that this beautiful badly hurt woman is Shiloh? So, what year was Shiloh in before she crashed into 1885? That’s all a little blurry from what’s written here.]

Shiloh awakens to discover that she’s trapped in the past and falls in loved [love) with a man who not only captures her heart but her spirit.

Sharing months of blissful love and experiences Shiloh awakens one morning to discover that she’s all alone in a ruined mansion. [This is all synopsis, not blurb. You’re giving away WAY too much of the story.]

Confused she discover [discovers] a tombstone with Dorian’s name and that he had been dead for a long time.

Mystified, she collapses in tears and feels herself floating in another dimension [Huh? Now she’s floating? WTF?] and when she opens her eyes she discovers that she had been in a coma. [Again, all synopsis, not a blurb that would make me buy the book]

Determined to find the truth she returns to France and to the mansion to discover that the ruined house is being rebuild [Rebuilt? Remodeled?] by a distant relative of the late duke, a young Dorian Wolfermont, the spitting image of the man she had loved in the past.

[So? There’s no closing on this. Where do they go from there? What’s the conflict? Does she find herself torn between wanting to get back to HER Dorian, and wanting to stay with his distant relative who is from her own time?]

The verdict:
Even if I was able to overlook the fact that this is a synopsis and not a blurb (which I’m not), I wouldn’t read this book. The grammar and punctuation errors are glaring, and this whole thing reads like it was badly translated from its native language, or that it was written by someone who doesn’t speak English as their first language. It’s a mess. I would suggest a complete overhaul.

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​Blurb critique example #2

Author: Jodi Watters
(Example posted with author permission) 
​Romance Rehab critique in red

A woman on the run.
A man afraid of nothing.
A plan as old as time. (Tight opening. I like it!)
Hiding from a violent ex-husband (You’ve worked so hard to keep this short, punchy and concise that I think you can shorten this a little more and just say “Hiding from her violent ex”. The fact that they were married wouldn’t influence my buying decision, and I don’t think the word “husband” would do anything to get you noticed from a key word perspective), Ali Ross knows the law can't help her. She also knows someone like Sam can. (Here again, I think you can eliminate “someone like”. It reads fine as “She also knows Sam can.”) Fearing for her life, she's willing to do whatever it takes to ensure her safety, and that includes doing the sexy soldier next door. (This reads like she’s trading sexual favors for protection. Is she? No judgement if she is…but some readers might be turned off by that. But then again, you probably aren’t targeting those readers, anyway. But I would consider revising if she’s NOT trading sexual favors for protection.)
It’s the perfect plan. Until…
A woman falling in love.
A man already there.
A past that won’t be ignored. (LOVE this closing)
I would totally read this. Nicely done!

If it looks good to you, give Next To Me a read!

And authors love stalkers, so feel free to stalk Jodi anytime: 
www.jodiwatters.com 
www.facebook.com/jodiwattersauthor
www.twitter.com/Jodi_Watters

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​Blurb critique example #3

Author: Arell Rivers
(Example posted with author permission) 
​Romance Rehab critique in red

He’s a rockstar who lost his muse. She’s a graphic designer who discovers that kickstarting his imagination is the easy part. (This is a technically solid couple of sentences. The fact that you’ve got “rockstar” right there in the beginning will help the Amazon search engine find you and direct all the readers who are looking for rockstar romance to your book. I’d consider adding an ellipses after “part” instead of the period. It just feels to me like there should be a nice long pause there, and an ellipses would force that.)

Ozzy Martinez is smoldering.
Ripped.
Tatted and pierced. Everywhere. (Aaaaannnnndddd you have my attention, ma’am)
With his sold-out Vegas residency ending, he’s scheduled to record his next Latin-infused album soon. (I think you can remove “Latin-infused”. Every word counts in a blurb, and I don’t think knowing what kind of music Ozzy plays would sway me one way or the other when I’m making a buying decision. ) Only problem? His creativity—and trust—are both MIA following a soul-crushing double betrayal. (This is an attention-grabbing sentence, but I think it might influence my buying decision if I knew who betrayed him. Was it a girlfriend? Family? I don’t need a ton of details, but I’d understand a little more about Ozzy’s state of mind—and how that state of mind might impact his romance with McKenna—if I knew who’d betrayed him.)

McKenna James is short.
Curvy. (I see what you’re going for here—you’re mimicking the style of Ozzie’s paragraph. But as a reader, I’d rather hear more about her personality than her physical attributes. Is it a double standard that I want to hear about the hero’s physical attributes but not the heroine’s? Yep. I don’t care, though. I want to hear that McKenna is smart and fiery and a free-spirit. Short, curvy, tall, skinny…doesn’t mean anything to me as a reader. I’ve chatted about this with my Facebook followers—all romance super readers, by the way—and they tend to agree. We want to hear that the men are ripped and hot. We’re happy to assume that the heroine is beautiful to our hero.)
A brunette with an ever-changing shock of dyed hair. (This tells me a little about her personality while still giving me a little physical description. It works for me.)
She’s vying for a spot in a national competition that will give her the funds she desperately needs to keep her mother at home. But her contest submission hinges on new songs—from the one man who’s too attractive for her own good. (Why is he too attractive for her own good? Is she fighting her attraction to him for some reason other than the competition? Wouldn’t it be a bigger concern for the competition that he’s suffering from writer’s block?)

For McKenna, Ozzy can be nothing more than a ticket to success. Yet with every confession about his past, with every heart-pounding kiss, she buries all the reasons why a romance between them can never happen.

Until he discovers her secret.
And then another. (Oooohhh…mystery. I like it.)

To have a chance at a life together, they both must learn how to HOLD STILL. (I like that you’ve incorporated the title in the close)

This is a pretty strong blurb. The only thing missing for me is how Ozzy feels for McKenna. You’ve done a great job of letting me know how McKenna feels about him, but how does he feel about her? Does she intrigue him even though he has trouble trusting her—or anyone else—after his betrayal? Is he physically drawn to her even though he doesn’t want to be? As a reader, I’d love to get a hint of what Ozzy is feeling.   

If it looks good to you, why not add Hold Still to your TBR list? 

And authors love stalkers, so feel free to stalk Arrell anytime:
www.ArellRivers.com

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​Blurb critique example #4

Author: April Morgan
(Example posted with author permission) 
​Romance Rehab critique in red

​Nicholas March has few morals, fewer friends, and a notorious lack of honor. And his heart? What remains of it is cold, desolate and locked away. (Love these opening lines. That’s a really strong beginning that would immediately hook my interest as a reader.) He learned long ago the lessons of betrayal. Never trust a woman. (Now, this one is a pet peeve of mine. If he’s had a rough life, it’s probably more accurate to say “Never trust anyone” or “Trust no one” or even “Never trust”, right? By calling out that he can never trust a woman just makes him sound like a misogynist a-hole. I’m sure that he really WAS betrayed by a woman, but that shouldn’t teach him to never trust any women. It’d make him just not trust people in general, I think. But as a reader, when I read about a hero who can never any women because of something one woman did, I don’t buy the book. That goes for ANY category of romance, even historical, where I know feminism wasn’t really a “thing.” You’d still have my attention if you changed this to “Never trust anyone,” or some variation of that, though.) Recognize others will expect the worst of him. And no matter the cost, always retain control of any situation. (These last 2 lines are great. They give me a good understanding of Nicholas as a character. A bit of a grumpy, cocky jerk, isn’t he? I do love grumpy, cocky jerks—and so do millions of other romance readers.)  

Grace Willsdown has no patience for society’s silly games and no desire for the imprisonment of marriage. (This is a minor thing, but I would add “But” to start this second sentence. It just gives it a little extra flow and a bit more of a conversational feel) When a secret lien against her home is revealed, everything she treasures lies clenched in Nicholas’s palm. She must make the Devil’s bargain to save it all.

Five nights of pleasure and the claim will be dissolved. But neither Nicholas or (nor) Grace anticipate the depths of their desire after their first night together. Consuming. Blistering. Tender and brutally passionate (I like these lines. I especially like “brutally passionate” as a phrase. You wouldn’t think the two go together, but that’s what makes it so perfect). Boundaries become distorted. What is the bargain? And what is true emotion?

Will they brave the storms and fires to unlock their love? Or turn their backs when the five nights are done? (I almost think you could lose these last two lines. The last line in your previous paragraph—“And what is true emotion”—is pretty powerful. I don’t think these last two lines are doing anything to help your cause, in my opinion.)

I think overall this is really strong. I think historical fans would 1-click. But the only thing that I’m left wondering about is are there any bigger stakes involved for Grace and Nicholas? What happens if they decide to stay together or break apart? Is it just a matter of emotion? If so, that’s fine. If this is a character-driven book, this totally works. But if there are other forces (or maybe outside forces) at play working against their budding romance and bigger stakes involved, what you have here isn’t making that abundantly clear and might want to consider tweaking it a bit.

If it looks good to you, why not give The Untamed Duke a read! 

And authors love stalkers, so feel free to stalk April anytime:
https://www.facebook.com/AuthorAprilMoran/
The Untamed Duke on GoodReads

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