First of all, it’s important to note that more than half the book isn’t about grown-up Amber and Logan as the blurb would lead you to believe, it’s about young and stupid Amber and Logan, who are all flushed with the dewey ignorance of first love. Amber is just out of high school, and Logan is college-aged. Here’s what bothers me about young Amber and Logan:
Unrealistic virgin sex They’re both virgins when they start having sex, but they’re somehow really great at it—no pain, no awkwardness, no self-consciousness. These two can go at it like porn stars all night, giving each other multiple orgasms with ease. Sure, why not? Totally realistic. While we’re on the subject of sex… And while we’re on the subject of the unrealistic virgin sex, there’s some gross stuff here that just smacked me in the face while I was reading. Stuff like her “slobbering” on him during a blow job (there’s nothing sexy about slobber), and how her, ahem, lady bits were “bulging”. Again, nothing sexy about “bulging.” (And for the record, if your lady bits are bulging, I suggest you see a doctor. Like, immediately) Then there are a few mentions in the book of him grabbing and “jiggling” her ass. For all the guys who are in the reading audience, let me give you this piece of advice. Don’t, under any circumstances, jiggle a woman’s ass during foreplay. You can grab her ass, you can squeeze her ass, and under the right circumstances you can smack her ass, but jiggling is never OK. You’re welcome. Also, when young girlfriends are talking to each other, they’d never refer to losing their virginity as being “deflowered.” Why? Because they aren’t in Downton Abbey, that’s why. And apparently safe sex isn’t a concern for these two. Because, sure, why wouldn’t two supposedly super smart characters engage in lots of unprotected sex? Makes total sense. (You can’t see it, but I’m rolling my eyes. Lots.) Of course she changes her whole life for a boy Amber gets into Yale. She decides not to go. Why? Mostly because she doesn’t want to be away from her new boyfriend. If I could’ve reached through my Kindle at that point and smacked her across the face, I would’ve. Stupid break-up They break-up in the most dumbass way possible. Basically, she violates his privacy, reads some stuff of his that she had no business reading, and breaks up with him. He flees the state. She doesn’t even apologize for the horrible violation of his privacy because her little feelings got hurt and she’s too much a giant baby to talk through her emotions like a grown-up. When the story finally jumps 5 years into the future, I figure, hey, maybe I won’t hate these two stupid kids when they aren’t stupid kids anymore. Turns out adult Amber kept a secret from Logan that she had NO BUSINESS keeping from him and he ends up looking that secret right in the face and is too stupid to figure out a truth that is so ridiculously obvious anyone could have seen it coming. I won’t spoil anything, but I can assure you that if you read this book, you’ll figure it all out LONG before poor dumb Logan does. And I’m not even going to mention all the editing errors. If you’re a grammar Nazi, this one will make your HEAD EXPLODE. So, long-story-short, I hated the hero, I hated the heroine, and I feel like all the readers who left glowy reviews of this book are somehow in on a conspiracy against me. Seriously, guys, what did I ever do to you? Other reading suggestions
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