Gifts you should NEVER give a woman (and alternatives that’ll keep her from hurting you)

Look, we realize our audience is probably 90% women, and this post might not reach a ton of dudes. That’s OK. Because we still want to help the men out there. Just because the majority of them aren’t in our reading audience, doesn’t mean we like the thought of them blindly stumbling through this holiday season, making gifting faux paus that could haunt them for years to come. If we can help only a handful of dudes make smart buying decisions this year, so be it. With that in mind, ladies, we’re asking that you pass this one along to the men in your lives. (Subtly, of course. Let them think they found this one all on their own.) So, without further ado, here is our list of gifts you should NEVER give the woman in your life:

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Spa gift cards
The IDEA of offering the woman in your life a day of pampering is lovely. But nothing screams “I didn’t know what to buy and didn’t want to go shopping blind” like a gift card.

Alternative to a spa gift card
Instead of a spa card, why not get her the ultimate kit for home pampering that will keep giving all year round? It’s simple:

• A few wonderful bath products, because women LOVE long, hot, relaxing baths. We particularly like Philosphy’s Christmas cookie bubble bath from Sephora, but there are tons of other options and kits available on their site if you don’t find Christmas cookies appealing (and if you don’t: we’re trying not to judge, but…*side-eyeing you hard*)​
• The new Kindle Oasis. Why would this be included in the ultimate home pampering kit? It’s. Waterproof. (Right? We were amazed, too.) It’s also designed to be light as paper for one-handed reading, has the highest resolution of any Kindle reading device, and has 8GB storage capacity. In other words, it’s all kinds of fabulous.
  

• Check out her Kindle wish list and load that new Kindle up for her, so that she can enjoy HOURS of reading throughout the New Year in a nice, hot bath. And if you don’t know what she might like to read, we have a few suggestions. ​
• ​Time. Make it clear that YOU will make certain she has plenty of time throughout the year to relax and unwind. No kids banging on the door, no asking her where the laundry detergent is, no “what-do-you-want-for-dinner-I don’t-care-whatever-you-want” debates. (Those debates are the WORST)

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Sexy lingerie
Unless the woman in your life has specially asked you for lingerie or you know for a fact she actually likes walking around the house half naked (trust me, she doesn't), don’t buy it for her. Why? Because sexy lingerie is uncomfortable and, let’s face it, It's really more for you than it is for her. Giving her a gift that’s designed to please you shows that you’re a selfish asshat. As always, the lesson here is: Don’t be an asshat.

Alternative to sexy lingerie
Instead of buying something that she’ll look good in for YOU, how about you buy her something cute and comfortable that SHE’LL feel great in? And I’m not talking about flannel PJs and house coats. We personally like Lou and Grey for stylish, cute loungewear. Everything there is adorable, super comfortable, comes in a wide variety of sizes, and isn’t ridiculously overpriced. Note: pay careful attention to her size. Nothing is more insulting than buying a size 4 woman a size 10 article of clothing, or buying a size 14 woman a size 10 article of clothing. Either mistake shows that you’re not in touch with her reality. Long-story-short: choose her correct size.
 
Or, if you don’t want to pick out clothes, you could go the classic bunny slippers route. (Hey, it worked out GREAT for Cal and Min in Jennifer Crusie’s Bet Me.)  As far as bunny slippers go, you can’t really go wrong, but we particularly like these:

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Framed photo of the two of you
Sure, this is a cute idea. She’d probably like it, too. But it’s BOOOOORRRRRIIIIINNNNNGGGGG. It’s been done to death.

Alternative to a framed photo
Why not create a custom photo book or calendar full of your favorite pics of the two of you together? It can be themed—maybe something like, “What I love about you and me,” or something as simple as “Our lives together,” or “There’s no me without you.” It really doesn’t matter. The point is, putting together a book like this takes time, thought, and energy. She’ll appreciate that book and cherish it forever. Sites like Shutterfly, Apple and Blurb make it easy, affordable, and cheap to pull off something like this, too. Blurb even lets you create an ebook version of your masterpiece to email to friends and family. And no, you don’t need to be a poet or professional designer to make this idea work. (It’d help, of course, but it’s totally not necessary)

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Cleaning supplies/appliances
Unless she has specifically asked for these things for Christmas, DO NOT BUY THEM AS GIFTS. Just…don’t.

Alternative to cleaning supplies/appliances
You know what’s sexier than a man cleaning while a woman sits on the couch relaxing? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Don’t believe us? You’ll want to check this out (and buy the woman in your life a copy). Give her coupons that would allow her to assign you household tasks that normally fall to her. (Note: that doesn’t apply to only cooking and cleaning, of course. If your woman typically handles snow removal and lawn maintenance, I’m sure that her seeing YOU do those things for her will be every bit as sexy as watching you cook and clean would be. It’s all about HER. Remember that.)

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Something totally random
If you truly have no clue what to buy, that’s OK. No one is judging. But taking wild guesses or overthinking it and buying something weirdly random will get you into trouble every time.

Alternative to buying something totally random
ASK HER! No one says you have to read her mind. It’s totally OK to ask her what she’d like for Christmas!

via GIPHY

What about y’all? Have any “just say no” gift ideas you think we should include? Let us know! We’d love to hear from you.

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