The DNF Report...again

Well, the Great Book Slump of 2020 rages on. There were more books thrown on the DNF pile last week. Here's the full report (save yourselves...it's too late for me): 

Preemptive note: Before I get any "you're being mean" messages, I'm not saying these books sucked. They just weren't for me. I'm entitled to my opinion, I'm allowed to loudly proclaim my opinion, and that's all there is to it. I don't owe anyone anything. So, if you're feeling like shaming me for not finishing these books or for failing to stroke the authors' egos with lavish praise...well...can we just skip that step? Please and thanks.

Reason for DNF: I'd been reading for about 700 years or so when I realized that the hero and heroine hadn't yet met and that nothing of interest had happened in the whole thing. It was just a girl who'd had some sort of trauma (I had no idea what at this point) moving to the US to live with her sister. They drank tea a few times. The sister warned the heroine that she shouldn't work at a club called Afterlife because the owner was weird. The heroine ignored her because the sister failed to elaborate further. At this point, I was irritated with the sister for not voicing her real objections to the club and by the fact that I'd been reading for 700 years and nothing had happened yet, so I checked out where I was in the book. Imagine my surprise when I discovered I was only 10% into the story! This book, y'all, is over 500 pages long. That's a lot for a romance, in my humble opinion. I gave up because I just didn't have the strength (or interest) to go on.  

Reason for DNF: Should our intrepid heroine end up with her friend, who knows she's in love with him but continues to whore about with random skanks in front of her because he's a complete jerkwad, or should she end up with his brother, who is a sweet, all-around great guy who lets her cry on his shoulder when the jerkwad hurts her yet again? Gee...I dunno. You can't see me, but I'm rolling my eyes. The heroine in this one was an idiot who didn't deserve the hero. She was also dumb enough to think that professing her love for the jerkwad on national TV Jerry Springer-style was a good idea. I DNF'd with extreme prejudice because I hated the heroine with the fire of a thousand suns. The hero was great, though. And I have ZERO interest in reading about the jerkwad, who apparently (and inexplicably) also has his own book.   

Reason for DNF: I've read and liked this author's work before, so this one stung a little. And I REALLY loved the hero. He's hot and sweet and everything I love in a cinnamon roll hero. But the heroine tried my patience in a BIG way. She's young, so I tried to cut her some slack, but she's sooooooo immature. She's the type of heroine who walks into a bait shop in the middle of a frozen tundra without any of the proper gear (including a warm coat and gloves) and insists that she's going to go ice fishing, even though she's never done anything like that before. Then she gets pissy when the shop owner questions her readiness to do such a thing and is worried for her safety. And the reason she wants to do this? Her jackass ex said she wasn't any fun, so she's out to try and prove him wrong...and win him back. Sigh. That's right. She wants the jackass back. I couldn't read on about this twit pining (and almost getting herself killed) for a jackass when a GREAT guy is literally right in front of her. So, I DNF'd. My apologies to the hero, who, as I said, is altogether yummy.   

Reason for DNF: It's probably a case of "it's not you, it's me." It didn't annoy me. I didn't hate the writing style. It just failed to grab me. *shrugs* 

Reason for DNF: I'm sick of books that are marketed as romantic comedies that aren't funny. At some point, book marketers seemed to agree that if a book is light and low on angst, it's OK to call it a rom com and we'll all accept it. Well, no, I'm sorry, but "comedy" means funny. I expect rom coms to be funny. This book is NOT funny. It also has a jarring shift from mild-mannered, children's author/librarian to dirty sex kitten that seemed out of character, and there were LOTS of errors (egregious stuff, like the author calling the heroine the daughter's name and such). But I would've overlooked errors for laughs. Sadly, there were none to be found here, so I DNF'd. (I did make it far enough to learn that the "black moment" of the story was when the hero made a stupid assumption and there was a big misunderstanding...so, there's that. And if you've read any of my reviews, you know there are few things I hate more than big misunderstandings. Blech.) 

​What about y'all? Read anything great (or awful) lately? Let's discuss in the comments!