What everyone can learn from romance novels about strong female characters

3/16/2020

Strong female characters have gotten a bad reputation over the past few years. It seems that very few people know how to create them without falling into bad stereotypes and misogyny. I have, however, seen LOTS of really well-written strong women in romance novels, and I think the world at large can learn plenty from them. So, here it goes…

“Strong” doesn’t mean unfeminine

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Strong female characters don’t have to embody traits that some folks deem “manly”, for lack of a better word. Female characters can cry and still be strong. They can wear pink and still kick ass while doing it. They can be open and honest about feelings and express their emotions, and that doesn’t make them weak. They can long to be parents and spouses (more on that below). And just for the sake of clarity, men can do all of those things and not be labeled as “feminine”, too. Labels are boring.

The point is, strong female characters don’t have to be written like emotionless robots who reject all things that have traditionally been considered “feminine.”

A couple of great (and hilarious) examples of strong female leads in romance novels who aren’t afraid to let their emotions (and spectacular fashion sense) show are Queen Betsy from Mary Janice Davidson’s Undeadseries and Astrid from Robyn Peterman’s Hot Damnedseries.

Wanting love and a family doesn’t make you weak

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I’ve seen lots of commenters on the interwebs bitching and moaning about why-oh-why can’t there be more strong female characters who don’t fall in love, and “women don’t need men to be happy and fulfilled.” While I totally (and I mean TOTALLY) agree that women can be alone and be happy and plenty fulfilled, I’m also convinced that wanting love and a family absolutely does NOT weaken an otherwise strong, female lead. Romance novels know this. I mean, you can’t swing a dead cat in romance land and not hit a kickass heroine who eventually finds a love interest who adores her strength and wants to make babies with her.

Long-story-short, strong women sometimes want love and babies, and that’s OK. It’s also OK for strong women to NOT want love and babies. Female characters shouldn’t be criticized for wanting what they want. End of story.

In romance land, a great example of a strong, female lead who continues to kick ass even after getting married and having a baby is Harper from Isabel Jordan’s Harper Hall Investigations series. Same goes for Charley in Darynda Jones’ Charley Davidson series.

Strength isn’t always physical

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Heroines don’t need to be physically able to kick ass in order to contribute mightily to the story. There are plenty of romance heroines who save the day thanks to their brains, wit, and determination. Need proof? Try these.

Falling for the “bad boy” doesn’t make you weak or stupid

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I’m going to use a Star Wars example to illustrate this one. Lots of folks online were appalled when, in The Force Awakens, there were rumblings about the sexual tension and chemistry between Rey (the main heroine) and Kylo Ren (the main villain). He’s evil...how could she be attracted to him?? *clutches pearls* Then, when that sexual tension and chemistry was cranked up to eleven in The Last Jedi, those same appalled folks were straight-up pissed off. They saw the connection between Rey and Kylo as abusive, and thought that weakened Rey as a character. They felt that her feelings for him demonstrated a “I can change him” mentality that was a bad message for young girls. And finally, some even questioned why Rey wouldn’t instead fall for Finn who was, by all accounts, a “good guy.” Well, to all the pissed off and appalled folks, I say:

Rey and Kylo were on opposite sides of a war. Of course they didn’t start off in the healthiest of relationship-y places. They fought and hurt each other, just as warriors on opposite sides tend to do. That doesn’t mean they can’t be attracted to each other a little. That’s a biological thing that humans just can’t control.
Yes, Kylo said some horrible things to her in The Last Jedi. But honestly, what would you expect from a guy who’d been abused and groomed since birth to be evil? (And don’t @ me on this one. YES he WAS abused, for crap’s sake. Palpatine admitted that he was every voice in that boy’s head since birth. Ben Solo was an abuse victim whose family sent him away when he was thought to have “too much Vader in him”, then dumped all the love and support they should’ve given their son into Rey, who wasn’t even their kid.) Sure, “You’re nothing...but not to me” isn’t exactly the proposal all young girls dream of, and NO, that’s not how women should be treated. But you have to consider the source. He was doing the best he could and Rey wasn’t stupid or weak for wanting to take his hand at that point. (I sure as hell would’ve.)
Rey did not want to change Kylo. She wanted to reach Ben Solo. Kylo was just Ben’s mask, the persona he hid all his pain behind. She saw that he was conflicted and hurting. She saw that he wanted to turn back to the light. She wanted to help him become who he wanted to be. She never wanted to “change him” into something that wasn’t already there. (Besides, Luke saw the good in Vader and thought he could help him turn back to the light. Did that make HIM weak? I don’t remember any grumpy old white guys bitching about THAT back in the day.)
Rey had nothing but friendzone chemistry with Finn from day one. You can’t force sexual chemistry. The simple fact is that Rey didn’t want him, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Female characters are allowed to choose whoever they want, and that doesn’t make them weak.

But I digress. Point is, in romance novels, there are PLENTY of tough, smart, strong romance heroines who fall for redeemed bad boys, just like Rey did. Don’t believe me? I don’t know why you doubt me at this point, but OK...check these out.

But that’s just my opinion. What do y’all think can be learned from strong female romance novel characters?

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