What male writers can learn about women from romance novels

The examples you are about to see do NOT happen in romance novels. That is all...

We don’t wear glasses to be pretty for you

Women wear glasses so that they can see. It really doesn’t have anything to do with men. Glasses also don’t change a woman’s bone structure in any way, so actually, she’s just as pretty with them as she is without them. Long-story-short, telling a woman she’d be prettier with her glasses off is a good way to get nut-punched by a woman who needs her glasses to find her way from the bed to the bathroom every morning. 

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But...we don’t ever think like that

Women don’t tend to sexualize themselves, so they don’t spend a lot of time sitting around thinking about their “impossibly tight pants”, or how perfectly hot and “hard to miss” they are.

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Do some research...ask some women

Before you guys decide to write about boobs, ask some women how they actually work, because...this ain’t it.

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Don’t be gross

Um...cheese doesn’t belong in sex scenes. And...ew.

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Women don’t exist solely for sexual purposes

Contrary to the opinion of some male writers, women can have a purpose in a story that goes beyond fulfilling a man’s sexual needs. Shocking, I know, but roll with me here, guys…

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Wives don’t automatically hate sexy women

Wives don’t automatically get their hate on because another woman is sexy. To do so would imply that every sexy woman is somehow a threat to them, or that being sexy is a bad thing. (And off topic: pores aren’t really what any woman ever refers to as “curvaceous”. That’s just weird.) 

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No...we don’t

We’re not just suddenly overcome with the inexplicable need to show someone our tits, just because. Sorry, guys.

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Housework and chores are not instinctual to women

Some women loathe cooking and only do it because they loathe starving more. The joy of cooking is not coded into our DNA.

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Pondering our boobs

We absolutely do not sit around, endlessly thinking about our boobs. We just aren’t as enthralled with them as you guys are. Just because you’d sit in front of a mirror all day and fondle your boobs if you had them doesn’t mean we would.

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You’re not that important

Women can feel like women without any help from a man. She can feel beautiful without a man thinking she’s beautiful. You guys shouldn’t make the mistake of thinking you’re the center of a woman’s universe and that she’d be a puddle of insecure self-doubt without you.

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Don’t ever refer to ANYTHING in relation to a child—especially your child—as sexy

This one should go without saying, but...yeah...here we are…

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Periods...just avoid talking about them

It’s safest to just not write about periods, but if you have to, please, for the love of all that’s holy, ask a woman to verify what you’ve written. And just so you know...we do not leave trails of blood all over our houses like a gunshot victim when we have our periods.

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Racism and misogyny...just say no

I think this one speaks for itself.

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And one other thing…

This one’s just a general tip. In romance novels, the guy who orgasms, then falls asleep with no thought to whether or not the woman has also orgasmed, does NOT end up with the woman at the end of the book. Just sayin’. Do with that information what you will... 

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