What you should know before you watch 365 Days on Netflix

6/10/2020

There's A LOT of hubbub around this movie, which was based on a Polish-edition, bestselling book. Well, I watched it, and I have...feelings and thoughts about it. There's a lot to unpack here, but I think if you know what to expect going on, you can enjoy this movie. Here's what you'll need to know first, though...

Plot overview

It's good to know what the movie's about before you dive in, right? Well, this movie is about sassy marketing director Laura, who is kidnapped by sexy, Sicilian mafia leader, Massimo. He gives her exactly 365 days to fall in love him...or else, basically. Lots of hot, dirty sex ensues. If you're a sensitive viewer who is easily triggered, or if you're a pearl-clutcher, I'd skip this one.

This is NOT a romance

If you go into this movie expecting a believable happily ever after, you will be sorely, SORELY disappointed. The ending is crap, and it's hard to believe that if this happened in real life, it would work out for the average kidnapper and his victim as well as it worked out for Laura and Massimo. Massimo is NOT a good guy. He's not husband material. This is basically an NC-17 depiction of Stockholm Syndrome in action. But if you instead choose to look at this as, say, an erotic thriller, you'll be less horrified (or at least slightly less uncomfortable) with the elements of Laura and Massimo's relationship that are problematic AF. (And don't get me wrong...this relationship IS problematic AF.)

Lots of sex. LOTS.

I'm 98% certain that the sex in this movie wasn't simulated. If I had to wager, I would say these two folks actually did the things that were depicted on camera. It was WAY too real looking. So, if you're thinking you'll watch this movie and they'll tastefully pan away from the couple having sex and leave anything to your imagination...well, that doesn't happen. You see LOTS. There's a scene on a yacht that made me blush. I'm a grumpy old lady, y'all. I've seen a lot of stuff, and blushing is not normal for me. But...I blushed.

This is NOT Fifty Shades

In my opinion, 365 Days is WAY more erotic than Fifty Shades of Grey ever dreamed of being. What goes on between Laura and Massimo is raw and dark and edgy and WAY more intense than what Anna and Christian had going on. I know die-hard Fifty Shades fans won't like hearing me say this, but...Massimo makes Christian Grey look like submissive. There. I've said it. #SorryNotSorry

It's not...good

Don't go into this movie thinking it's going to be a good film. It's really, really awful. The acting isn't great, the story is highly implausible and problematic, the dialogue is SUPER cringe-y, and it has a bad fan fiction feel to it. (Not trying to badmouth fan fiction. I like fan fiction when it's done well. But when it's bad, it's REALLY bad...and this is really bad.) So, why did I watch this terrible, awful, no-good, really bad movie all the way through (without blinking)? I refer you to the picture above of the actor who plays Massimo. He's so ridiculously hot that it hurts to look directly at him for too long. His charisma (and butt, if I'm being honest) is mesmerizing. The rest of the movie is pretty gorgeous, too. The scenery is stunning, and Laura is incredibly beautiful. I guess what I've learned from this is that even when a movie is really, really bad, I'm still shallow enough to enjoy watching two ridiculously pretty people have hot sex. *shrugs* What can I say? #StillNotSorry

It's a fantasy, and that's OK

Look, when you check out what social media has to say about this movie, you'll see lots of folks talking about how dangerous it is, and how it glorifies kidnapping and rape. Do I think it's dangerous? Not really. I mean, I sincerely doubt anyone is planning to use this movie as a "how to" guide to kidnapping. And I also sincerely doubt that women are going to start wandering the streets in Italy, begging to be kidnapped by a hot mafia guy. Now, do I think it glorifies kidnapping and rape? Yes. But as I've pointed out on the site before, some women have kidnapping and rape fantasies, and that's OK. It doesn't mean they WANT to or deserve to be kidnapped or raped. It's a fantasy of a hot man, whisking you away from the monotony of your normal life, holding you captive in his fancy villa, and giving you orgasms like it's his job. I will NOT shame any women for having that fantasy. And that's what this film does: it delivers a fantasy. It titillates. And if you don't overthink it or make the mistake of thinking the relationship between Laura and Massimo is something that women should aspire to, then I think everything will be OK.

So, all the folks telling women online that there's something wrong with them and that they have "issues" if they liked this movie...well, piss off. Let women enjoy what they enjoy and don't be judge-y about it.

All that said, is 365 Days worth watching? I think...yes, it is. If you don't expect it to be something it's not.