Crushing the romance stigma once and for all Romance novel sales tally in the billions of dollars every year. (That's right: billions. With a "b".) And still, literary critics and other various bookish snobs continue to malign the genre, loudly and with great disdain. Why is that? If you ask these folks, they'll tell you romance novels are nothing but badly written trash. So, y'all have read a bunch of romance novels before forming that opinion, I assume? Oh, no, they'll say, noses tipped heavenward. They don't read romance (with all the contempt in the world placed on the word "romance"). Huh. Now I'm confused. Why would people be so openly hostile to a genre they've never read? I think I can tell you why. The romance stigma and genre misconceptions are so deeply ingrained in us as a society that we have trouble overlooking them, even with glaring examples to the contrary. Heck, even bestselling authors like Nicholas Sparks (who has no complaints when he erroneously shows up in the romance category on Amazon and Audible) don't want to associate with romance. Mr. Sparks insists that he writes “love stories”. On his website, Sparks lays out the difference between “love stories” and romance as follows: “It’s equivalent to the difference between a "legal thriller" and a "techno-thriller." In that instance, both novels include many of the same elements: suspense, good and bad forces pitted against each other, scenes that build to a major plot point, etc. But aside from the obvious, those novels are in different sub-genres and the sub-genres have different requirements. For instance, legal thrillers generally have a court room scene on center stage, techno-thrillers use the world or a city as their setting. Legal thrillers explore the nuances of law, techno-thrillers explore the nuances of scientific or military conflict. The same situation applies with romance novels and love stories. Though both have romantic elements, the sub-genres have different requirements. Love stories must use universal characters and settings. Romance novels are not bound by this requirement and characters can be rich, famous, or people who lived centuries ago, and the settings can be exotic. Love stories can differ in theme, romance novels have a general theme—‘the taming of a man.’ And finally, romance novels usually have happy endings while love stories are not bound by this requirement. Love stories usually end tragically or, at best, on a bittersweet note.” So, why do authors and readers sometimes hesitate to speak up and admit they love romance? THAT'S the romance stigma in action. So, let’s take a look at the most common romance complaints and see if there’s actually anything to them: Romance novels are badly written I don’t know if y’all picked up on the implied “all” in that sentence, but I sure did. I don’t know of any genre outside of romance where people feel comfortable saying “all” of it is badly written. Are there some stinkers in the bunch? Absolutely. But I’ve also read plenty of stinkers in the sci fi, horror and mystery genres. I suppose my response to critics who say romance novels are badly written would be: have you read all romance novels? No? Well…there you go. And further...if they’re so badly written, why are they selling so well? Romance novels are formulaic I suppose this might depend on how broadly you define “formula”. For example: 1 person + 1 person (or more than 1 person, actually...it happens) = love and happiness Is that how a formula is defined? Because if that’s the definition, it could be argued that romance novels are formulaic. It is a “rule” (or genre convention...however you want to look at it) that romance novels end with a HEA (happily ever after). But in my opinion, there’s A LOT that can happen in the middle of that particular formula, and there’s about a gazillion ways that particular equation can be worked out. I’ve read romance novels about everyday people with typical problems, and I’ve read romance novels about vampires and witches and angels. All the lovely variations in which the “formula” can be worked out and twisted about sure can make for some entertaining reading. Romance novels are predictable Again with the implied “all”. Sigh. I’m pretty hard to surprise. I knew that Darth Vadar was Luke’s father well before Luke did. I knew that one of the dead people Haley Joel Osment was seeing was Bruce Willis way before Bruce Willis knew. I knew what was going on at The Red Wedding well before Talisa took that knife to the gut. But I can honestly say that more than a few romance authors have managed to throw me for a loop with their plot gymnastics. (I’m looking at you, J.A. Redmerski!) So, are there some predictable romances out there? Sure. Can it be argued that the HEA is predictable? Absolutely. But to those still arguing this point, I have to ask: is your enjoyment of a book dependent on your inability to predict the story’s ultimate direction? Even if you know where the story will end up, can you not just enjoy the ebb and flow of the story, the writer’s word choices, the snap of the dialog and crackling chemistry between characters? If not...well, that’s kind of sad! Why bother reading at all if that’s the case? There’s no plot; it’s all just about sex This is another one of those all-inclusive statements that should just be ignored. Are there some romance novels that are all about sex? Sure. And there are plenty of others that are intricately plotted (author Tarryn Fisher comes immediately to mind here) and meticulously researched. Beyond that, there’s even an entire subcategory of sweet and wholesome romances (even some Amish romances) that don’t contain any sex at all. Lesson to be learned here: As a rule, “all” and “never” statements are crap. “Real” writers don’t write romance Who gets to define what a “real” writer is? Was there some kind of specially appointed task force for this that I wasn’t aware of? As it turns out, writing is an art. So, just like any other art form, opinions on what is “good” and what is “real” will tend to vary greatly. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, and there are no wrong answers. Romance novels are unrealistic The “unrealistic” criticism usually exists in a couple of different forms: 1. The heroes and heroines are all perfect looking It’s true that as a society, we like pretty stuff. For that reason, you will find an abundance of pretty, seemingly perfect people in romance novels (especially on the covers). But, you’ll also find plenty of people who don’t fit into a perfect Barbie-and-Ken mold. I’ve read romances about a paraplegic hero, a heroine with CP, and a heroine so unattractive the hero is uncomfortable around her until he gets to know and love her. 2. HEAs don’t happen in real life You know who doesn’t believe in HEAs? Unhappy people. It’s true that no one is happy all the time, but to assume that no one ever gets a HEA is insane. There’s plenty of happiness out there for those who are willing to reach for it. And on a less philosophical note, I think romance readers generally understand that “HEA” is just a phrase. No one assumes that the main couple in the story continued to live out their lives without ever having another care in the world. The HEA is just where the story ends. Romance novels are just “bodice rippers” This one stems from a trend in the 70s and 80s that had innocent virgins (mostly in historical novels) on book covers being accosted by burly, half-dressed dudes (often Fabio) who were pretty much forcing themselves on them. Much like clothing and hairstyles, romance novel trends have also changed quite a bit since the 70s and 80s. For anyone who believes that all romance novels are “bodice rippers”, I encourage you to change out of your velour leisure suit, shut off your 8-track player and lava lamp, and venture to your local bookstore’s romance section. You’re in for a big surprise. Romance novels promote abusive relationships I’ll let you in on a little secret, folks. (Come closer…wouldn’t want this one getting out to just anyone) People sometimes fantasize about being overpowered. It’s a pretty standard fantasy, actually. For example: Some dude (who looks like Thor or Wolverine) overcomes all of the heroine's good-girl protests and better judgement with nothing more than the raw animal power of his overwhelming manly hotness. No consequences, no one gets hurt. Does reading about such a fantasy make women prone to asking their husband/partner/lover to abuse and overpower them on a regular basis? No more so than reading To Kill a Mockingbird makes people prone to becoming lawyers, or reading The Bourne Identity makes people prone to amnesia. Typically, readers are capable of distinguishing between fantasy and reality. Critics who spew drivel about romance novels promoting abuse and violence seem to think otherwise, though. And further, as I’ve mentioned before, I’ve read a lot of romance novels. A. Lot. The portion of those novels that featured a man overpowering a woman amounts to maybe 2% of the total. It’s hardly fair to assume that all romance novels—or even a majority of romance novels, for that matter--promote that kind of relationship. It’s just “mommy porn” Sorry, but it’s just not statistically possible that all of the billions of dollars’ worth of romances sold each year were read by mommies. Women and men (yes, men read romance, too) of all ages enjoy romances. This statement is just a desperate attempt by critics to shame readers into buying the types of books they think everyone should be reading. It’s like trying to convince people they should be watching PBS all the time. PBS is a great channel, but sometimes, you need a little HBO. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is just an egocentric bully trying to promote his/her own agenda. Romance novels are silly fluff I’m not going to argue that romance novels are doing their part to cure cancer or end world hunger. (And truthfully, neither are any novels) Some romances are about light subject matter, and others cover much deeper topics such as the grief of losing a spouse, kidnapping and child abuse, murder and even survival in a post-apocalyptic world. And those are just a few examples of the not-so-silly-fluffy topics you can find in romance novels today. There’s plenty more where those came from. Long-story-short, it would appear that nothing is wrong with the romance genre that isn’t also a problem for any other genre, other than what ignorant critics think of it. So, what can romance lovers do to help crush the romance stigma once and for all? Well, the first step is to admit, out loud and to anyone who asks, that you love romance novels. No more sheepishness. No more hiding your romance novels in speculative fiction dust jackets. No more refusing to let anyone see your Amazon browsing history or your Kindle’s contents. Be PROUD of what you read. The second step is to promote the books you read that help crush these myths. That’s what we’ll be doing here at Romance Rehab. What about all of you proud romance readers out there? What other romance misconceptions piss you off? Let’s talk.
36 Comments
CJ Jones
2/6/2017 12:19:32 pm
Loved it. You told them.
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/6/2017 01:12:00 pm
Thanks so much, CJ! Let's hope this starts to shut down the haters out there!
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2/6/2017 08:50:21 pm
I love the way you debunked all the myths of romance. It's such stereotypical trash to condemn a whole genre because, ugh, women enjoy it. (Although, as you say, there are plenty of men who read it as well.)
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/6/2017 09:48:11 pm
There just aren't ANY other genres that are universally condemned like romance is. It drives me absolutely crazy!! And I love the HEA, too!
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2/6/2017 09:25:00 pm
You know when your neck hurts from nodding so much after reading an article? No? Well, lemme tell you. The struggle is real...
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Jennifer, Knockin' Books
2/6/2017 09:49:34 pm
Thanks so much, Annie! Get some rest. Can't have that sore neck keep you from finishing the next Hart book...
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/9/2017 04:09:37 pm
That's awesome, L! Thanks for commenting. And best of luck with your writing!
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Corrina F
2/9/2017 03:43:41 pm
I always hated when a certain couple of people I know would say that the romance I read was like porn and no plot because maybe there was a love scene or 2 in the story. But I would always say that to it is no different than watching a movie, drama, thriller or even the shoot 'em up, blow 'em up action pack that would have love scenes. Does it take away from the story or add to it?
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/9/2017 04:11:48 pm
That's so true! There was even a love scene in The Bourne Identity, for God's sake! (My favorite action movie of all time, by the way) Thanks so much for commenting! (And for being a "loud and proud" romance reader!
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2/9/2017 04:36:03 pm
I would like to kiss you now...... I'm sharing this and I hope some individuals take note. xox
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/9/2017 05:57:03 pm
Yay!! I'm so happy you like it! I hope EVERYONE takes note. I don't want romance lovers to take anymore crap from anyone! Thanks so much for commenting, Freya!
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2/10/2017 06:24:07 pm
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for saying what we've all wished we had the guts to say! You rock!
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/11/2017 09:47:55 am
You're so welcome, Nicole! Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for commenting!
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2/11/2017 12:14:05 am
LOVED this post! You've said exactly what I've felt for a long time, but much more eloquently than I could have put it. I'm going to read more of your site and will recommend your blog to my followers. :)
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/11/2017 09:49:00 am
Thank you so much, Sophia! I'm so glad you liked the post! And thanks for commenting!
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Anannya Bhaumik
2/11/2017 01:52:37 am
I loved this article, BTW i was never ashamed of love for romance books..
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
2/11/2017 09:46:53 am
Good for you, Anannya! We need more "loud and proud" romance readers out there! Thanks so much for commenting!
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TRACIE DELANEY
4/4/2017 01:22:16 pm
I love this post. Love, love, love. Thank you for putting this out there. I write romance and I'm proud of it. I read romance and I'm proud of it.
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
4/5/2017 06:00:35 pm
Thanks so much, Tracie! We're so glad you liked the post. And trust us, we've read our fair share of crappy sci fi, mysteries, and literary fiction, too. You're so right; romance deserves the same respect any other genre gets. Happy reading!
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Niamh Mc shane
4/5/2017 03:15:02 am
Great post. You lay it all out there. I am a romance junkie and follow a lot of authors on my facebook page. I've had friends, a lot of the time men say to me "what trash are you reading today" or "are you reading porn again" because they see the covers of some of the books the authors share. I have read the most amazing books and get sucked into a different world each time. That's what reading is about for me. Escaping everyday life for a while and for me only romance books can do that.
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
4/5/2017 05:59:07 pm
Thanks so much, Niamh! All of us romance junkies need to stick together and start crushing these critics once and for all! Happy reading!
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10/23/2018 07:53:04 am
I absolutely LOVE this blog post. Thank you for putting into words (quite nicely, btw), exactly what I've been saying... lol! Rock on, lovers of romance!!!
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CheesyCheese
11/20/2020 08:25:53 am
I am actually a romance hater. But I do read some books that have romance in that I love, the most I find- I hate. And no duh, romance is not mostly sex. That's the erotica genre. Anyways. I hate romance to the bone as I find that the relationships(especially in YA books, not so much in some adult books) are not... healthy. Yes, I do fantasize men sometimes overpowering me, but not in the effed up way they do in the books. It's either I'm reading crappy romance stories since I can only find 10 good ones. As a romance hater, I just tell people I don't like romance, but I do read romance... apparently-only gay ones. But if there is a a book that I like, that's the Lunar Chronicles. Sorry, y'all, but I do feel that romance genres(most of them) are trash. And so as some of my friends. They don't hate it, but they can't handle it as they told me that it feels too... "eh." Again, this blog is good. Romance to me is a foreign concept as "love" is a hard concept for me to understand truly. So maybe that's why. But I have never seen anyone hate on romance in my life, it's so widely loved. And I have read romance books where the plot is amazing but the lovers are not, or the lovers are amazing but the plot is an extra. I'm TRYING to find good romance books, but it's hard to find any good ones that fit what I like. I mean I can stay with the gay ones, but I want a good book that has a healthy heterosexual romance that also has a good plot and has a pinch of comedy. Would love recommendations!
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
11/20/2020 10:36:40 am
See, I'm torn on how to answer. On the one hand, I think it's great that you're open to reading romance even though you haven't liked it in the past. On the other hand, you say you hate romance to the bone, call a bunch of the genre trash, and say that love is a foreign concept to you. So...with that in mind, I'm really not sure the genre is for you. And I see nothing wrong with that. I mean, literary fiction isn't for me, and I'm not going to torture myself reading a bunch of it in an effort to try and find the ONE lit fic book that appeals to me. But, if you insist that you still want to try romance (even though you call yourself a romance hater), go to the "book recs" tab on the site. There's a crap ton of book lists there. Maybe one of the topics will appeal to you. If not, I say don't torture yourself. Read something you know you'll like a little better. There's nothing wrong with saying romance isn't for me and picking another genre.
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Jake
1/8/2021 12:03:00 pm
Admittedly I have only read maybe a dozen or so romance novels in my time and I will admit that most are tantalizing and exhilarating. But some are rather strange to me and seem almost to dwell on things that don't make up an actual romantic relationship. Take Edward from Twilight for instance. He is essentially a stalker and show obsessive tendencies towards Bella. Like when he's standing in her room watching her sleep or when she's attacked by drunks and he just shows up. That to me doesn't really seem all that healthy. Bella for that fact isn't any better. I mean after one time meeting Edward she's obsessing over him and willing to give up all her friends and family for a man she doesn't know. I mean I understand the thrill of it and how most women have a fantasy of being over powered and becoming submissive to a man's touch. Still my question is this why do most romance, well any genre in today's society dwell on protagonists who are stalkers, obsessive, controlling, overly codependent or greatly flawed? For me as a male and a first time writer of the romance genre I'd prefer their relationship actually have a footing to attest to it's standing not just say they loved each other. I mean can anyone say they met someone had this instant connection and that was that? No, most of us can't. Sure there's that mutual feeling of attraction and this urge to know the person better. But at it's very core romance and I mean healthy sustainable romance is found over the course of getting to know each other and I believe many fail to capture this because they focus on making their own versions of already established characters. I mean sure Christian Gray is a fun and exotic character to read about but do any of us actually want hundreds of Christian Gray's around? No, we don't. We want a love that is real and genuine. While these are a problem if done properly and well it can make for interesting character arcs. It's when the male and female leads have no real change over the course of the story and still end up together. Take real life for instance most of us who fall into toxic relationships and stay even when we realize how toxic it is. We are the ones that has the problem now. It shows we have low self-esteem and only stay because we're either afraid of something or we truly believe that a love like this healthy and what we deserve. For me I don't think the romance genre is faulty or even horrible. It's more of an, we need to stop getting so tied down by these socially unacceptable tropes of mistaking a sexual interest of stalker like tendencies as true love.
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
1/8/2021 12:09:36 pm
To be perfectly blunt, readers who say "I've only read X romances" but then go on to ask "why most romances do X and Y", then cite Twilight and 50 shades, are part of the reason why the romance genre takes so much crap on a daily basis. Twilight and 50 Shades are not representative of "most" of the genre. The genre is HUGE. There are millions and millions of great romances out there that don't focus AT ALL on stalkers or problematic relationships of any kind. If the stalker trope bothers a reader, then they don't have to read it, because there are plenty of other choices out there. This "all romance" or even "most romance" mentality is one of the things that has to stop, in my opinion.
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Jake
1/8/2021 05:21:25 pm
Most consider The Notebook a masterpiece about love and romance in turmoil. Still even this has a problem especially when the male lead return's and kisses the heroine even after she doesn't want it and he knows she has a fiance. I am not trashing the genre at all. I am simply stating that the fact that the top selling romance type books all have abusive and toxic relationships. Beyond the twilight and fifty shades. What about alpha, billionaire, dark prince these are all top list on wattpad and all have highly abusive male leads. My point isn't that the genre is bad. My point is their should be more Romance in romance novels. And yes there are a few out there but the abusive and toxic ones greatly out weigh the other.
Jennifer, Romance Rehab
1/8/2021 05:29:52 pm
Jake: The Notebook isn't a genre romance novel. Nicholas Sparks will be the first to tell you that. And I know you never said that the romance genre was "bad". But it is WILDLY inaccurate to say that the abusive and toxic bestsellers in romance outweigh the others. There's about a million different tropes that are perfectly healthy. You've pointed out only a few. And today, in fact, on the blog there's a list of billionaire romances where the heroes are actually nice, great guys. I'm afraid you're making generalizations about a genre you don't know a lot about. I do appreciate that you're not making sweeping statements about quality, but I think you have no idea just how much great romance is out there. Are there some books that glorify toxic relationships? Sure. You'll find toxic books in every genre. But in truth, there's more than enough healthy romance out there, and you barely have to scratch the surface to find it. If you need recommendations, let me know.
Jake
1/8/2021 06:04:23 pm
Jen: I thank you for the comments and yes I do have very little knowledge of the genre. And over the past few years the abusive romance books have been thrown down my throat. Now I'll admit that it at an impact on my opinion, especially since I'd like to write a romance novel. I want to write a good and healthy relationship so any recommendations that show this are greatly appreciated and encouraged.
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
1/10/2021 01:42:25 pm
For the most non-abusive romance relationship EVER, read Asher by Carian Cole. For messy and highly emotional but still not abusive romance, read Rush by Emma Scott. For light and funny romance that lets you relax and not think too deeply, read anything by Isabel Jordan. For fantastic historical, read Beverly Jenkins and Sarah MacLean. For emotional and well-written erotic romance, read Joey Hill. For romantic suspense, read Pamela Clare and Kaylea Cross. I could go on for years, but that's a good place to start. My best advice for writing romance is to read TONS of it before you even try. One thing romance readers can spot from orbit is a romance writer who doesn't really know and love the genre. Best of luck to you!
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Jake
1/10/2021 03:44:45 pm
Thanks and best of luck to you
Dawn
4/14/2024 01:14:56 pm
I’m sorry but I’m not a romance’ reader at all but I stumbled across a narrator I love and started just reading anything she had recorded and unfortunately it is mostly romance. It’s so unrealistic and the authors just prattle on about the same thing. In real life if anything happened like some of what I have read there would be no immediate forgiveness or I’m sorry I did that of corse I will fix myself immediately. Especially the mental heath side of things. It’s not easy or quick or takes just one thing to magically fix everything. So unrealistic. In real life people just don’t think or act like that.
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Jennifer, Romance Rehab
4/14/2024 02:18:38 pm
I think it's pretty bold of an admitted "non romance reader" to speak about the subject and talk about how unrealistic a whole genre is based on super limited reading experience, but hey, you do you. There's no reason to ever read something you don't like. But as far as "unrealistic" goes...this isn't real life. It's fiction. I like reading about dragons and aliens and zombies, too, and no one ever says, "but that's not how a REAL dragon/alien/zombie" would act in real life. If I want realism, I'll watch the news. I'm looking for escapism in my fiction, not a reflection of what I can see every day by simply looking around me.
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