Why authors need to kill off stupid heroines

Guest post from author Isabel Jordan.

I watched Batman vs. Superman last night. (There was nothing else on, and my husband wanted to see it, OK? Don’t judge.) As I expected, it was one of the worst films I’ve ever seen. And just to put this into perspective: I sat through Australia, all the Highlander movies after the original, and Catwoman, people. I have seen things that can’t be unseen.

Tons of people complained about all the crap that’s wrong with Batman vs. Superman, and it’s all true. It’s a bad, bad, bad movie. Seriously bad. Bad enough that I vaguely feel like Ben Affleck owes me money. But unlike so many viewers out there, it’s not Ben Affleck who ruined this movie for me. He certainly didn’t help with his I-can’t-believe-I-really-have-to-be-here-this-is-so-embarrassing performance, but in my opinion, he was the least of this film’s concerns. My main problem with the movie? Lois Lane.

In this film, Lois Lane is the epitome of the Too Stupid To Live (TSTL) heroine that you find in so many romance novels (especially paranormal romance and romantic suspense) today. You know, the type of woman who hears a strange noise in the basement and goes down there—by herself, with nothing but a high-heeled shoe and plucky spirit to defend herself—to find out what’s going on, knowing full-well there’s a sicko serial killer on the loose.
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​Lois (played by the awesome Amy Adams who is way too good for such a demeaning role) had to be saved from certain death by Superman not once, not twice, but THREE times. At one point, Superman actually had to stop fighting the giant troll-like monster who’s threatening the entire city to save her sorry ass. And all the while, she has the nerve to stomp her foot and get ouchy with Superman because he worries when she agrees to go off on a dangerous assignment by herself. She’s a reporter, damn it! She can take of herself. Only…she can’t. Like, ever.

I write this not to malign Ben Affleck (I think we’ve all said enough on that subject, haven’t we?) or Amy Adams. Instead, I write this as a plea to authors everywhere: can we kill off the TSTL heroines once and for all, and instead write about smart, strong, capable women? Can we all agree not to have our heroines:

• Hear a suspicious noise in the woods/basement/attic in the middle of the night and run off without telling anyone to investigate, especially wearing only a nightie, and/or armed only with a broom/rolling pin/frying pan/high-heeled shoe.
• Run away from the hero, who is protecting her from the villain, because hey, he’s not the boss of her and no one tells her what to do!
• Overthink. Everything. (Two pages of inner monologue analyzing every word the hero says is madness.)
• Run out of the room crying. Strong, smart, capable women don’t do this.
• Lack self-esteem. Nuff’ said.
• Clumsily fall into the hero’s arms more than once. (It’s just weird when it keeps happening. I’m looking at you, Bella Swan.)
• Force the hero to rescue her from situations she caused time and time again.
• “Help” the hero in such a way that is the exact opposite of “helpful” (Example: the hero tells the heroine his brother is violent and mentally ill, and that she should stay away from him. She pooh-poohs that warning, deciding instead to “help” the hero repair his family by going to see the brother—by herself. Unarmed.)

TSTL heroines give all women a bad name and they must be stopped immediately. And I’m not saying that any heroine who has to ask for help from time to time is TSTL. That’s not the case at all. But characters like Lois Lane (at least, the Lois Lane in Batman vs. Superman), are begging to be killed off. Go ahead and do them a solid. Kevorkian their asses, will you?    

What about you readers and writers out there? Had any close encounters with a TSTL heroine that's pissed you off? Tell us about it. We’d love to hear from you!

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​About the author:
Isabel Jordan writes because it’s the only profession that allows her to express her natural sarcasm and not be fired. She is a paranormal and contemporary romance author. Isabel lives in the US with her husband, ten-year-old son, a senile Beagle, and a neurotic Shepherd mix. Feel free to stalk her on Amazon, BookBub, Twitter, Facebook and Goodreads. You can also visit her at her online home.

​Note: Check out our 5-star review of Isabel’s latest release.