I’m a voracious reader. I read probably 5 or 6 books a week, and most of them are romance. So, when I say I never want to read a certain phrase again, I REALLY mean it, because I’ve probably seen it approximately a gazillion times before. If all you fabulous romance authors out there could help me out with this, I’d really appreciate it. Please and thank you.
“She felt a rush of moisture between her thighs”
This is usually written in response to something the hero of the book says or does. It’s just a fancy way of saying the dude made her wet. But saying it this way--a rush of moisture--makes it sound like she peed herself. It’s not sexy and it makes me cringe every time I read it.
“A faint scar bisected his left/right brow”
If I had a nickel for every time I read THIS about a romance hero, I’d be sunning myself on a Hawaiian beach right now. I blame Dylan McKay from the original 90210 for this one. Women back in the 90s went crazy for that character, and he had that very same faint eyebrow scar that all these romance heroes seem to have now. I say it’s time to move on from the eyebrow scar. How about some chin scars? If it’s good enough for Han Solo, it’s good enough for me.
“They sat/ate in companionable silence”
Why do authors make me read about silence? And what, exactly, is companionable about silence? It’s just a stupid, pointless phrase.
“Skin the color of chocolate/caramel/coffee/coffee with cream”
Can we not describe people of color using food terminology? It’s disrespectful.
“She let out the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding”
How do you NOT know you’re holding your breath? Breathing isn’t something most people have to think about.
“I could care less”
I know lots of people say this, but it actually means the exact opposite of what they’re trying to say. If you could care less, it means you care. What you mean to say is that you couldn’t care less. There’s a big difference and it annoys the crap out of me when people don’t realize that.
“His rock-hard erection”
I get it. He’s hard. Can we think of a way to describe that hardness without the whole “rock” thing? It’s soooooo cliche. (Same goes for granite, iron, and steel, I’m afraid)
“Her heart-shaped face”
I can’t even tell you how many romance heroines out there have heart-shaped faces. Does this mean that romance authors and readers don’t find heroines with, say, oval-shaped faces attractive? And why do we really need a description of the shape of a heroine’s face? If I’m not told otherwise, I’ll assume it’s face-shaped. That’s good enough for me.
“The silence was deafening”
No it wasn’t.
Nipples being compared to raspberries
Again, why am I being forced to read descriptions of nipples? I know what nipples look like, and they don’t look like raspberries. Enough already with the raspberries.
Let us know if we missed anything!
And for all the other things we never want to see again in romance novels when it comes to sex scenes, check out this list!
7/28/2018 10:51:40 am
Oh my God, I forgot all about that one! You're right!! GREAT addition to the list!!!
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