WTF romance novel covers: Part 2

I bet you thought our original post about WTF romance novel covers was going to be the last one, didn’t you? Well, SURPRISE! Here we are again with a brand new crop of WTF covers for your enjoyment.

And please, before anyone jumps on me for being mean, I’m not calling anyone out just to be cruel. I just want to rehab the genre and crush the stupid romance stigma once and for all. And frankly, unless covers like these go away, we’ll never be able to do that. So, to anyone who might be offended... bygones.

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You guys see the shadow puppet duck head she’s doing with her hand, right? It’s not just me? And also: “Hey, I think my name should be as hard to read as possible on the cover.” —said no author ever (except this one, apparently).

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It looks like Photoshop puked all over this cover. There’s nothing here that doesn’t look manipulated and...wrong. And frankly, I think the way that guy is looking at the baby is decidedly creepy. I’d FOR SURE call child social services on that dude.

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Impossible to read font? Check. Guy about to jack off? Check. Wolf who looks kind of embarrassed to be there? Check. Must be a shifter romance novel cover.

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And the award for the worst Photoshop braid and weirdest “m’s” ever placed on a cover goes to…

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Jesus...this makes my brain hurt.

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So, I first saw this one at a thumbnail size and thought the title of this book was “Rectum.” I now see the error of my ways. But, (ha! See what I did there?) there’s still the matter of the guy who seems to be jacking off and ejaculating glass shards all over the place to deal with on this cover. I find it disturbing.

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I don’t know what it is about shifter romance that makes authors think they need headless abs, a half-naked woman AND a wolf on the cover. It ends up just being a busy Photoshopped mess. (And off topic: Do men shave their armpits now? Is that a thing? I know romance novel cover models wax off their chest hair, but armpits, too? When will it end???) Special note from the Design Dude: No, shaving arm pits is most definitely NOT a thing for men. This dude is just weird.

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Um...are the handcuffs supposed to look like butt cheeks? Because if so, then I say bravo, cover designer! If not...that’s unfortunate.

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I’m guessing the plot is something like: Huge, headless, legless man in the sky points his junk at a bear. Let’s discuss.

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Is that...a dinosaur in the background? Like a brachiosaurus? Then again...never mind. I don’t really want to know.

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Now, I’ll never claim to be an expert on bugs, but I don’t think it’s normal for butterflies to be flying around in the rain like that. Pretty sure they’d find a place to land and wait for the rain to stop. And is this book about a shirtless butterfly wrangler who isn’t smart enough to come in out of the rain? I find this all very confusing, and it leaves me with WAY too many questions.

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