WTF romance novel covers: Part 3

f you followed parts 1 and 2 of this series, you know that we’re not here to make fun of anyone or to be cruel. We just want to rehab the genre and crush the stupid romance stigma once and for all. And frankly, unless covers like these go away, we’ll never be able to do that. So, to anyone who might be offended... bygones.

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I’m an open-minded gal, but I have to draw the line at beastiality. And that’s exactly what this cover is suggesting. I mean, the panther is spooning the half-naked dude, folks. And what’s with all the lightning? I’m so confused right now. And horrified, frankly. And feeling like maybe someone needs to call the humane society and make sure that no panthers were abused in the creation of this cover...

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If you look at this one at a thumbnail size on Amazon, it looks like it says “SKINC.” I spent WAY more time than I’d like to admit trying to figure out what a SKINC was.

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Oh my God!! What happened to his head??? I’m guessing a black mountain bear clawed it off?

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So, when I looked at this, I was pretty sure his dick was out. I had to look again to realize the towel is just folded funny. But it’s not just me, right? That looks like a terry cloth dick, right?   

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She looks like she’s checking his moles for signs of melanoma. That’s a totally important thing to have done...but it doesn’t really scream “romance novel cover”, now does it?

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I’m not even sure where to start with this one. It took me 4 tries to read that title, which I’m guessing isn’t a good thing when you’re trying to market a book. Then there’s the stretched out photo of the giant woman resting her head on flowers, and the guy who looks like he’s jacking off at a tractor pull...I guess at the end of the day, this one just makes me...sad.

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Honey, he’s just not that into you. I suggest you look elsewhere for all your pillaging and plundering needs.

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I think it was Coco Chanel who said you should take one thing off your outfit before leaving your house each day. I would like to humbly suggest that this cover designer do the same thing...but only with, like, maybe five things? Because DAMN there’s a lot going on here. My eyes are so confused!

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Um...yeah, no. I’m not going to say anything. I’m troubled by it, though. Deeply troubled...

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OK, I get that he’s an alien. But...he has 3 arms and nothing below the waist? Because it looks like he’s been cut in half.

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What about y’all? Seen any WTF book covers lately you think we should add to the list? Let us know! We’d love to hear from you.