The anatomy of a DNF romance read

Not that long ago, we talked about the anatomy of a 5-star romance read. I’ve given out TONS of 5-star ratings on this site. But sadly, there are  also many things that’ll make me banish a book from my Kindle forever and slap a DNF (Did Not Finish) rating on it. That list includes (but certainly isn’t limited to):

via GIPHY

Crappy dialogue
Characters who speak without ever using contractions and say things no normal human would ever say make me DNF a book at lightning speed. I’m a dialogue connoisseur. I need witty, snappy, smart banter that flows smoothly. If a book’s dialogue is stilted and weird, I’m out.​

via GIPHY

​Instalove
Instalust isn’t a problem for me, but when characters who just met are declaring their undying love for one another in a book’s opening chapters, I not only DNF the book, but I also roll my eyes. A lot. And rolled eyes where I come from mean that the book is in for a ranty review, and no one wants that.
​

via GIPHY

​Overly detailed descriptions of violence
I read for enjoyment. I don’t need to read blow-by-blow details of graphic violence that’ll leave me too scared to sleep at night. I’m especially opposed to violence against children, animals, and women. If there’s so much as a HINT that a gory, detailed description of violence is coming up in a book, I’ll pull a preemptive DNF and get out before I read something I can’t unread. I WILL NOT have a repeat of the Say Goodbye incident of 2008. (*shudders while rocking back and forth and reminding self that it’s just a book...only a book...it can’t hurt me again...it’s only a book*)

via GIPHY

​Manwhores manwhoring about manwhorishly
Overly detailed descriptions of how many women the hero has banged are an instant turn off for me. It’s especially off-putting when I have to read detailed descriptions of the hero banging random women who aren’t the heroine. It’s OK for a hero to have a past, but I don’t need THAT much detail. I do have an excellent imagination, after all. 

via GIPHY

​Tripping of the bullshit meter
I have a finely honed bullshit meter, and I can tell the difference between a plot point that makes sense and a convenient plot contrivance the author has included as a desperate attempt to throw the hero and heroine together. And once my bullshit meter has been tripped, the only thing left for me to do is DNF. 

via GIPHY

​Alphahole heroes
I have no tolerance for alphaholes. I’m perfectly fine with alpha males—but they can’t bully the heroine. Ever. Not for any reason.  Alphaholes are nothing but highschool bullies with abs and I will DNF their asses so fast their little alpha brains will spin. 

via GIPHY

​Dead dogs
All dogs in romance novels should be happy, healthy, and live forever. That is all. 

via GIPHY

​Tons of editing errors
Now, I’m no grammar Nazi, and I understand that no author and no editor is perfect—so, I’m willing to let a handful of typos go without comment. But when I see lots of errors in a book, I have to assume the author didn’t take the time to polish their work or hire a good proofreader and/or editor, and that irritates me. In fact, it irritates me to the point that I’ve DNF’d books that were otherwise pretty good solely because of typos. Because if an author doesn’t care enough to publish the best possible version of their work, why should I care enough to finish reading it?   

via GIPHY

​TSTL heroines
The heroine who runs away from the hired bodyguard who is protecting her because, darn it, no one is going to tell HER what to do...yeah, that chick will make me DNF every time. Every. Time. Too Stupid To Live heroines can all go quietly into that goodnight, thank you very much. 

What about y’all? What makes you DNF a book? Let’s discuss!

---

And since we're already on a roll with our grumpiness...

Top 6 things I REFUSE to tolerate in romance novels​

The 12 type of romance heroines I HATE​

9 Romance tropes we never want to see again. Like, ever.​